


fear is not true

by creamyjihoon



Category: Kpop - Fandom, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, BPD, Borderline Personality Disorder, Depression, Emotional Manipulation, M/M, Murder-Suicide, jikook - Freeform, jungkooks uncle is a pastor, yoongi is unstable, yoonkook
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-10-23 11:57:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10718904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creamyjihoon/pseuds/creamyjihoon
Summary: TRIGGER WARNINGlots of mentions of self harm and death, mental instability, emotional manipulation.





	fear is not true

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING  
> lots of mentions of self harm and death, mental instability, emotional manipulation.

fear is not true

P R O L O U G E 

 

Faces exist all around me, blurring together into a mosaic of evil. The impure hearts that have tried intertwining with mine have all been rejected, thrown back into that sea of venom that I don't dare to dive into. I stay standing tall, not letting a fool break down the walls that loom far ahead of me. For as long as I have known of the secrets of this horrid world, I have never placed my fragile trust into anyone  
That is until I turned fourteen.  
Ah fourteen, the age of new beginnings. When chapter one of your life comes to an end and chapter two emerges, the first year of high school creeps up onto you so unexpectedly you don't even realize it until the end of summer vacation comes so abruptly.   
That never affected me much though, I've always been a good student. Always passing classes with ease, always studying, preparing. But for what? That's what I ask myself nowadays, what was all that studying for again? Was it really fucking worth it?  
Well I would assume so.   
"you are the flowers that bloom so slowly"  
His words echo throughout the corridors of my mind, in this moment all I can think about is his voice. And the way the sun reflected from his eyes, making them shine so luminously.I still remember staring so deeply into them, In fact i think I was swimming in them. At that moment I had discovered a feeling I have never felt before.   
Love.

 

I close my eyes as darkness spreads over my vision, I hum the lyrics to a song with no words.

Sometimes I'd like to think of myself as a song with no words; you can fill lyrics in to me, but you'll never really know what words I have to say. People can interpret there own meanings into the musical notes that drift along, stringing together turning into a haunting melody. But only the person who wrote the song, who shapes the life of this song knows exactly what they mean. 

 

 

 

I open my eyes again, the sunlight shining through the stain glass windows of my church blind me for a moment. Everything is silent except for the song I am quietly humming, the pastor raises his hands signing for us to stand up. 

 

 

The choir begins to sing a hymn, their voices sound so beautiful, like waves crashing against the shore. I guess that could be seen as something bad too, but to me the waves are stunning. The way the water splashes against the rocks and the water comes flying up, you can smell the salt very well then. the priest that is dressed in a green robe speaks as the singing dies down, and the sounds of the piano echo throughout the church. The pastor motions for everyone to sit down.

 

 

 

 

"Everyone has a fear, have you ever realized that?" The pastors voice is deep and gravely, but somehow soothing. I take in every word he speaks;

 

"Wether it is the darkness you fear, spiders, snakes, or the monsters that hide underneath your bed"

 

The last comment makes some people sitting in the aisles let out a soft chuckle, the pastor smiles a bit at seeing how his words effected people.

 

"some people even fear God himself. But there is nothing to fear. For God loves all of his children no matter what sins you commit, no matter how big or small. If you ask God to forgive you, you shall be forgiven."

 

 

He smiles and nods his head.

"We have nothing to fear, but fear itself. Now do me a favor, confess to God all of your fears and he will strip them away from you. In times of weakness, pray to God for strength and he will grant it–"

 

 

"Fear is not true 

 

God," 

he pauses for a moment 

"God is true." 

 

A sinister smile creeps onto my face and I whisper   
underneath my breath unintelligible words,

That only I can hear


End file.
